Category Archives: goals

Hello Again

Hoping there are still some of you out there, a big hello to my faithful readers.

With the sincere belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I apologize
for my lengthy break and hope you won’t be too hard on me.

For those of you who don’t know, last winter I moved back to my hometown of
Kalamazoo MI. I am grateful to be here and look forward to sharing my journey
with you as we go along.

But for now I will be short and just say that changes happened rapidly in my life and,
amidst the whirlwind, I did not stay with my writing. While I can now
say that was definitely a mistake, I am once again putting pen to paper
to help us all find ways to accept, create, and embrace change in our lives.

Everywhere I look it seems to me that people are making big changes in their lives, or working
toward change. I know people who have moved to new cities, people who are changing
jobs or looking for a job (yours truly included). Others are fine tweaking what they do, little changes, to make what is already satisfying and fruitful to them even more so.

Change, even when we are embracing and accepting it in our lives can still leave us feeling a bit frazzled and frantic. When we are working and being productive in our lives it seems that all we want is to not work; to have our days free to pursue all the things we love to do and don’t have time for. And now perhaps we have that and don’t enjoy it because we feel guilty that we shouldn’t be doing fun things when we aren’t spending every last second trying to find work.

As long as you are being proactive in looking for new work, why not enjoy the extra time you have instead of being in a constant state of worry. Creating balance between just enough worry to keep you motivated while enjoying yourself and being open to new experiences as you continue along your path is the goal. It’s about making your entire life work so that you get up every morning and do what brings you joy in life and makes your heart sing. If new work isn’t coming easily, maybe that is a sign that you should be thinking about a different direction in life; digging deep inside to create a new path that brings joy along with a paycheck.

Who knows what good things can come out of pursuing something new or expanding your involvement in something you already love. I took a knitting class, mentioned that I was looking for a part time job and the very next week a woman said her son was opening a new restaurant and looking for people. Turns out it wasn’t what I was looking for, but one possibility in one week from a group of three people isn’t bad.

Am I going back for open knitting evenings? You bet!

Stay tuned for more about job searching, becoming fearless, letting go of perfection and a host of other topics to help you navigate your way through this wonderful world we call home.

Take a Breath

Sometimes, no matter how focused we are on moving forward and creating change and new adventures in our life, we are forced to deal with some sort of setback or event that blindsides us and leaves us rattled.

When that setback involves past relationships and/or events in our life, it can throw us off balance, make us question our place in this world and wreak havoc with our self confidence.
So,how do we prevent inevitable run-ins with our past from sending us into a spiral of defeat, self-criticism and panic?

Many of you know that the last year has brought many changes in my life. My Mother passed away, somewhat unexpectedly last year, while I was in the midst of packing up and getting ready to move from Florida to Colorado. In May of this year I moved back to Florida to deal with a house I own. I also went back to a job I previously held, as a fill in person on call. While I know and accept that my life is in transition, I have been struggling at times with feeling like I am right back where I was 5 years ago. In reality this isn’t so, but does create some anxiety and unsettled feelings to my days. Add to the mix an encounter with a past relationship, one that I thought was on friendly terms but was apparently quite wrong, and the self-defeating murmurings in my brain became a 10 on the anxiety and the lack of confidence scale. I was grateful for nice customers that day, but by the time I got home that evening I was feeling like a fish out of water and in need of some restoration.

So, the burning question is how did I handle all of this and how can my experience help me to be better at encouraging all of you to not let one bad day bring you down.

And the truth is actually that I made it harder than it had to be. It was only a single day, and to let what happens on any one day impede your joy or calmness of the next day is not staying in the present moment. Nothing I did that evening helped me find my center and feel peaceful and the next morning I still wasn’t back to rights.  So what did I do? I took myself to breakfast and treated myself to french toast and bacon and numerous cups of coffee. I smiled and chatted with the waitress and other diners near me. I got back out in the world and carried on with my day. My anxiety lessened, I remembered that I will have everything I want if I keep paying attention and remember that as I have my own path to follow, so does everyone else.  I did my best to stop overthinking the previous day and focus on make the new day a successful one. Once I was able to release the events of the previous day, my confidence returned and I no longer held on to that desperate feeling of needing to create reactive change; instead letting change unfold as it will while still remaining proactive and positive.

Some ‘notes to self’ that may be of help to you or encourage you to make your own ‘notes to self’

We are all in this world together. Every person we interact or cross paths with during the day has their own life to figure out. A smile and a friendly word or two can make someone’s day and help you too.

Remember or find your mantra. I have a few that I use at different times. A new one I just picked up that has been helpful: “History need not repeat itself.” From TUT- A note from the Universe (sign up at TUT.com).  Thank you Mike Dooley for once again giving me a morning Note from the Universe which was just what I needed.

I make things harder than they need to be and hold myself back…ever find yourself doing that?

Thanks for reading everyone! Remember, change takes time. We all backtrack or feel confused at times. Just don’t stay stuck in that place and try and use it to motivate you instead of paralyze you.

Next up I take a look at Dan MIllman’s The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, a book that I keep close and have re-read many times. Let’s see how it can help us let go of defeating behaviors and thoughts.

Excuses…Banish Them And Start Facing your fears.

 

Today’s topic is not likely to be enthusiastically received by you, my readers. So before reading on, take a deep breath and try to finish the post without a “yeah, but…” right off the bat.

Excuses are use for a myriad of situations.  They make us feel better or ease our conscience, supposedly relieving us of blame when we don’t fulfill an obligation or don’t make progress forging ahead with a dream or goal.  But the relief is only temporary and sooner or later we need to let go of our dependance upon them if we want to live a life of joy and freedom.  Excuses allow us to not face up to the real reason we don’t get where we are wanting to go, and become disenchanted with trying to transform our life. And I’m betting that most of you know the real reason.  It is fear, plain and simple. That is the big ugly monster in the closet. And until we stop making excuses, fear will lurk in the background dumping rain all over your parade and happiness in your decision to change your life. Little scary isn’t it?  The only way to get past fear is to stop with the excuses. Every time you start to make an excuse that keeps you stuck you need to stop yourself and re-focus. Remember, small baby steps will get you there.

While the list of excuses is endless, the two that are used the most often should be no surprise to us. They are time and money. So how do you begin to banish not only these excuses, but others that are holding you back?

If you have been reading my prior posts and done some soul searching and work to discover what it is that you want to change in your life, then you hopefully have created a mini-plan or outline to help you attain your goal. Remember my last post about setting goals rather than expectations? I’m hoping you all took that to heart and moved your dreams from fantasy to acknowledging that you need to start doing some work to make them happen. Excuses will only prevent you from doing this work and leave you in a stagnant situation.

The more focused you can be in pursuing your goals and the more they become a part of your daily activities, the easier it is going to be to rid yourself of these two excuses. There are many ways to make your dreams the focus of your daily life and still be productive at your day job or other obligations. It may sound silly, but list them out and tack them on the fridge…on the wall in front of your desk. Use them as a bookmark or keep them in your wallet purse. Make an acronym out of them if you are able. Whenever you are having a down or discouraging moment just repeat them to yourself. Have faith in yourself and what you can accomplish.

A simple pen and paper exercise can help you begin to release both the time and money excuse from your mind.  Just for a day or two record the time you spend on all your activities. This means Facebook and social media, exercising, just sitting, cooking, work, reading or anything else you spend your day doing. Do you see any areas where there could be improvement? Do the same thing with money. Record every dime you spend for a couple of days. From bills to coffee to parking meters, to online orders, add it all up. See any places you could cut back.
While this is a relatively simple exercise, it can lead to many questions and force you to look at your entire life. While monetary obligations are real when we own homes, cars, and other material goods, are all these things worth the cost and time it takes to keep them? Only you can answer this question for yourself. Do you love your job. You may love your work and your dream may involve a goal that uses the skills you have now. So time spent at work might be valuable to you. Then you need to look at how some time periods may be used more productively so you have time to focus on your goals. If you are spending time doing things you don’t love, or working to have material things that don’t bring you joy, this is the time to work towards changing that and creating the life you desire.

I also want to recommend a blog post to you on this subject. It will challenge the resistance you have to letting go of the money excuse. It is by Shawn Blanc, one of my favorite bloggers. You can find him at Shawnblanc.net.  The blog post Fear not Money can be found by clicking on the archives.

 

Setting Goals instead of Expectations

By definition, expectations are almost guaranteed to bring you disappointment. Expectations involve a disregard for reality while harboring a belief that something should or will happen simply because we entertain a thought or desire.  If you have ever watched a toddler throw a fit because he didn’t get the candy or ice cream he thought he deserved you are seeing total disappointment of an expectation.  Gradually we grow out of throwing tantrums, but sometimes it is harder to get rid of expectational thinking and we wind up being just as disappointed as adults as we were as children.

Choosing to set goals will lead you to your desire often times faster and with fewer mistakes since goals involve directing our efforts towards the end or outcome we desire. Setting a goal will still involve that original idea or desire, but instead of thoughtless and unplanned pursuit of that desire, time and effort must play a part.  Working towards and attaining a goal helps us become more confident and move forward be creating more goals in our lives.  This allows us to leave that disappointing realm of expectations and create real change and purpose.

It certainly isn’t wrong to envision the attainment of our desires, and one helpful step is to create a vision board. Simply cut out images, or print them from your computer, of what it is you want and attach them to a poster board or cork board. Anything and everything you desire  in your dreams can go on this board. Vision boards give us something concrete and material to look at; they take our dreams out of our imagination and provide a visual reminder of where we want to go.   They can be a first step in the journey of making the changes you desire in your life.  Once you are able to take a first step, the next one will be a little easier.

Taking our dreams and desires seriously demands that we act in a way that will bring them to fruition. Choosing to live in the fantasy world of expectation will bring disappointment and discouragement almost always. To have success in any area in our life takes dedication, hard work and planning. That is what goals are made of. They require that we learn new things, pay attention to our surroundings, and learn from others how to create a successful and joyful life.

As a means of encouragement I urge you to do something every day, no matter how small, to get you closer to your dream.

Here are some ideas to get you started. Feel free to expand upon them or share your own ideas with the rest of us!

Mind map your goal
Write a business plan. Start small and expand it as your plan grows. It can even be one sentence to start.
Don’t be afraid to talk to others who have expertise in your area. Many people love sharing their knowledge about how they fulfilled their goals.
Take a class.
Meditate
Get enough sleep.
Don’t worry, worrying is a waste of time.
Be organized. Know where your information is and where to access it.
Be focused.
Read everything you can about what interests you and what you feel passionate about.
Let your dream evolve and take shape as you increase your knowledge. and gain confidence. Don’t remain rigid in your thinking.

I imagine that many of you have books that you find inspiring and that don’t stray far from your reading chair or night stand. One such book for me is “Infinite Possibilities, The Art of Living Your Dreams”, by Mike Dooley. I have read this book several times, and often just pick it up and let it fall to whatever page it will. Mike Dooley’s enthusiasm is infectious and he will definitely get you thinking outside of the box and help you change your perspective into one that will help you live a joyful and purposeful life.